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Ok, so we are getting the roof fixed on our house this weekend. Welp, husband informs me that there is a chance we won’t have DirecTV this week because him and his new BFF didn’t get a big enough dumpster AND didn’t get enough supplies to finish the job in two days. So there is a very very very good chance we won’t have DirecTV for about a week. And the season finale of True Blood is on tomorrow night.
So, my options are:
- Go to the in-laws who have HBO and watch it there. Hubby and Gus will probably tag along and since they don’t have DVR, we won’t be able to pause it when Gus has one of his 30 fits about vampires or whatever is bugging him at the moent.
- I am pretty sure Dawn and Michelle from work have HBO. It would be kinda weird to ask myself over their houses but this is an option. Hubby will be pissed because I will make him stay at home with kiddo.
- Get a hotel room at one of the seedy hotels in Danville. It should only cost $20 but I am pretty sure I’ll get pregnant and clamaydia at the same time.
- Convince hubby and roofing dudes to not fix the corner of the roof that the dish is attached to.
- Do without it and watch it in a few weeks when our TV is up and running.
- I am sure I can find clips of the finale on the internet during or shortly after but I am a little impatient so this probably won’t work.
- Stupid work.
- Going to peopleofwalmart.com.
- Going to awkwardfamilyphotos.com.
- Doing stupid summer yard work.
- Putting my dog “down”.
- Watching Big Brother and hating Natalie and Lydia and Chima and Ronnie and pretty much everyone except Jeff, Michelle and Russell.
- Watching True Blood almost religiously and squealing on Monday mornings with Dawn over Alex Skaarsgard. hubba hubba
Miss me? How was your summer?
For those reader that is unemployed or the other one who is employed but has nothing to do all day long…I bring you my new favorite website.
It is BRAZILIANT!!
Here are some samples of what you have to look forward to reading…..
“(757): Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don’t want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.”
The 757 is the area code and I am very proud that I hail originally from this area code. I get a little weepy eyed thinking that one of my old peeps might have texted that.
This one here HAS to be from Sarah. I know it’s the wrong area code but she could have changed it!!
(954): I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So, my son’s 4th birthday was last month and he really really really wanted a butterfly treehouse for his birthday.
See the happy children and the happy butterflies?
So Gus got a butterfly treehouse for his birthday. Well, the thing does not come with magic butterfly seeds. It comes with a voucher good for 3-5 larvae provided you enclose a check for shipping and handling. So, I figured with today’s technology, surely you can do this all online right? I mean, who writes checks anymore? Sure enough, you could order them online, provided you paid $15 and an additional $20 for express shipping. I opted to NOT pay the express shipping.
One week later I get an email that my credit card didn’t go through and I needed to re-order and they would cancel the original order. All the while Gus asks every day where his caterpillars are. So, I go ahead and do another order. Two days later, the original order shows up and my husband informs me that now we have been charged twice. So my job is to call/email this butterfly factory and figure out what happened. Meanwhile, another shipment of caterpillars show up a the house so we figure, eh, we’ll just have lots of butterflies now.
So we watch the little DVD that came with the treehouse and it says that when the butterflies come out of the pods, there might be a little red liquid and it’s not blood, it’s meconium which according to this DVD is leftover pigmentation. I remember meconium from when I gave birth and I wasn’t going to say one word about what I thought it was.
Well, yesterday three of the 7 butterflies hatched and there was this stuff all over the place. I am glad they tell you about it because my husband and I weren’t sure if the butterflies were violently murdering each other with knives OR one of them had an abortion. So, now I have to tell my son that the red stains all over the place is pigmentation, not the bloodbath it really looks like.
Just picture way more red stuff and this looks like the treehouse.
I just found the BEST THING EVER on dlisted today. I have posted the youtube video below and it needs NO set up but I am going to do it anyway.
Have you ever wiped your butt and said, “Man, this is hard to reach?” Well, have I found the solution for you!! The Comfort Wipe!!!
I am seriously considering buying 100 and giving them as gifts for the upcoming year (birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, baby showers…etc)
My favorite part is when the fat dude says that there are some great things about being big and some not so great things or some crap like that. I really want to know what he is thinking is the good part of being fat? Is it the thigh sweat or the diabetes? Or how about not being able to wipe your own ass because YOU’RE TOO HUGE?!!?
I said Nummy Numms yesterday and it always makes me think of this Twilight video parody.
So, I love SNL. I have been a fan since I stayed up late one night and could understand the jokes. I am a tried and true fan through the funny and not so funny years. Maybe some of my twisted humor was cultivated from watching it every Saturday Night.
If I believed in or if there was a hell I would be going there in the future solely because I find tiny hands, birth defects, mental illness and Lawrence Welk so damn funny!
more about "Hulu – Saturday Night Live: Lawrence …", posted with vodpod
Kristen Wiig is my idol. Justin Timberlake is funny as heck too!!
more about "Hulu – Saturday Night Live: Target", posted with vodpod
Many of you might already be aware that I am surely going to have a visit from DCFS really really soon but I am going to go ahead and give them written evidence. Because that is how I roll.
So, yesterday on my way to work I almost forgot my son. NO, I didn’t leave him at home. I just forgot to take him to daycare and almost took him with me to work instead of dropping him off. I was really tickled by this and proceeded to laugh/giggle for a good five minutes. My son however was not amused and repeatedly asked me to stop laughing. Not because he was upset with my dippy-ness but because he couldn’t hear his dinosaur documentary over my cackling.
Rationalization: I really think I would have noticed him when I got out of the car at work. And it was a very cloudly overcast day yesterday so the 8 hours in a van wouldn’t have been ill-temperatured. AND he did have a bowl of chex mix and a sippy cup of water. AND I am pretty sure that he would have been very loud when his DVD player’s batteries went dead AND the parking lot is somewhat busy so someone was bound to hear him.
AND I am pretty sure I will never do this again for fear of jail-time and messing up Gus emotionally so he makes a human skinsuit when he is 30.
This photo below is definitely not going to do that!!!
So, I was a guest blogger on another blog and it took those loooozzzeeeerrrs over a month to post this post. How could they? How could they DENY the goodness that is Sorority Life?
There are some people who have experienced the goodness that is Sorority Life. There are some people (coughHannahcough) who do not believe in it’s creamy goodness. Here is my essay on why Sorority Life is the solution to many if not ALL of life’s problems.
I have recently stumbled upon my new life mission known as Sorority Life. While on the exterior it may seem like a silly little game that tout’s simple sisterhood one must play it for several hours, think about it while you are working and have dreams about accessories to truly experience it’s wonderfulnessment.
If everyone played SL, all the crazy world leaders and nutjobs would need not fight any longer. It can all be taken care of with Burn Lists and rival attacks. There is no measure of joy you can feel from attacking someone and taking all their money and terminally depressing them. It is almost orgasmic.
If everyone played SL, we would all be really skinny because you can’t eat for fear that someone will slap you and go hide in the spa so you have to be ever ready. You have to vote for your house members to keep them happy so they will in turn vote for you and not remove you from their house (such as football widow who I will now put on the Burn List).
If everyone played SL, we would all be wizards at math because you really need to know how many Prius’ you should have and that the combined charm of prius’ outweigh Hummer’s dollar for dollar. Math is crucial in figuring out if you should quit your job as an Alumni Marketer and become an Entertainment Columnist.
In summary, SL will keep you skinny, keep crazy people from trying to destroy each other and others, sharpen your math skills, provide hours of thrilling pleasure and is great for someone who cannot walk much because they have a really gross infected toe and subsequent leg cramp from walking funny.
Update: I have started two other Aliasises (or is it Aliai?) and I am tearing it up in Sorority Life land. OH, and people keep sending me requests to join stupid Mafia Wars and Celebrity Life. To that I say, whatevs (that was for you Susan). I have a full time job, a small child and can only have one obsession at a time. Ok, maybe two if you count trashy vampire novels. Ok, three if you count Sorority Life, trashy vampire novels and scouring the internet for shirtless pix of Rob Pattinson. Wait….four if you count all those things and Kristen Wiig on SNL when she has crazy little hands.
